On Friday, that really bad day I had, I also had an exhausting experience with the birth grandmother and birthmother of Diamond. Sharon, the other adopting mother that I traveled with, had given a cell phone and a substantial sum of money to her girls' birthmother. Well, of course word travels, and they approached me and expected the same thing. I had not been prepared for this because I had had to spend so much money at the consular because of the mix up in the paperwork (long bureaucratic explanation). Also, people just treat Americans like they are human ATM's. Everyone has a sob story, and everyone thinks you should give them money because life is rough for them. It is emotionally exhausting because these people truly are more destitute than anyone you have ever seen. However, handouts are not the answer, and how many hand outs can you give before you are poor too? I was so overwhelmed. I also am not comfortable with the idea of paying the birth parents. I am feeding, clothing, educating, and loving their children for the rest of their lives--that should count for something. It made me feel like they were selling their children. It made me feel like it was part of their motivation to give their children up for adoption in order to gain some connection to an American who will give them money on a regular basis. Ethically, I have a real problem with that. I am also not sure how much the handout really makes a difference in their lives. I did end up giving them $100. They seemed very put out. I realized it was because it was not what Sharon had given her birthmother. I asked Sharon how much she had given, Sharon did not disclose the amount. I was stuck in one of the most awkward moments of my life. They also wanted a cell phone, which I did not have time or energy to go buy. And not just any cell phone, they wanted one of the really nice ones. That also caused me to be emotional. I was very stressed about finances going in. Then, I ended up spending so much more money than I expected because everyone wanted me to give them money for tips for doing things they were supposed to be doing already. I felt like I was being nickeled and dimed to death.
The next day, I went to the LDS church and it was lovely. All of the people were so kind and loving and hospitable. I have never been in such a quiet congregation, ever. Even the children sat still and listened. Okay, not Florence and Diamond, but they had never been to a church like that before. They did go to primary and loved it. I went to Sunday School and it was so interesting to hear them take the same lesson that church members were having in the US, but to put a spin on it that was important to Liberian saints. They speak with a fervor that I have not encountered before. They also all participate in the lesson and get very excited to share comments. The talks were passionate--as were all the people in their dialogues with one another. They also wore their best traditional African clothes to church--they were so beautiful.
I did not get to stay for the entire block of meetings because my driver, Konneh, called and said that his boss had come and taken his taxi away and fired him (sometime between the time he dropped me off for church and two hours later). He was supposed to take Sharon to the AFAA house, but he did not show up and she had to find another driver. Konneh found a friend who owned his own car (this is a huge deal to own your own car in Liberia--and the majority of these cars are ones that we would just donate to the Lung and Kidney Foundation:). They picked me up with the kids and took me to the AFAA house. On the way, I asked them if they were familiar with music like Creed and Dishwalla and Snow Patrol--of course not. They only get the American Rap and R&B. They love that beat. I pulled out my CDs and played my music for them. They were curious, but seemed to not like the fact that there was no rap beat. But, I offered them my CDs to keep and they were really excited that I would give CDs to them--so they may be introducing hard rock and Indie Music (oh, and Les Miserables) to their taxi clients. ;
We stayed at the AFAA house for a couple hours with the birth families of our kids. I really like Diamond's mother and grandmother (besides demanding money). They laugh a lot and are really funny--especially Cecelia the grandmother. Miatta is Diamond's birth mother and she is beautiful. She is leaving Diamond's little sister at the AFAA house to be adopted. She is such a beautiful child, it is unbelievable. I wanted more than anything to bring her with me too. I knew I couldn't do eight children and we are completely out of money. I hope she gets a wonderful family that we can stay in touch with. Florence's mother, Felicia, was also there. I found out that her mother died when she was around eight and then Cecelia took her in to raise her. Felicia gave birth to Florence when she was 13. She also has a three year old son, also named Diamond, that she also abandoned. Felicia left Florence when she was six motnhs with Cecelia to raise. Florence's mother is VERY small and very immature. She was skipping around and talking to herself. She is still just a child. It made me very sad to see her and think of what she has been through in her life. She is not at all attatched to Florence--but I am not sure she is capable of attatcments. Florence is very attatched to Cecelia.
We had a very quick goodbye party and then it was time to go to the airport. It was such a painful departing for which I was unprepared. Miatta couldn't stop crying and the others kept telling her to run and hide her shameful crying. Cecelia also cried, which made me cry. I couldn't imagine the pain of watching your child leave and knowing that IF you ever saw them again, it would be decades. The children also wept as we drove away and then stared out the window in silence for the hour long drive to the airport.
The trip home was exhausting--33 hours total. The kids were excellent. I was so amazed. They were enthralled with the headsets and being able to change the channels on the arm of the airplane seat. We only had one melt down and one stand off with Diamond at the Brussels airport during our 7 hour layover. God was watching out for me!
When we arrived, Brian came in with all the kids to greet us at baggage claim. Diamond and Florence were half asleep and very nervous, but within about 10 minutes, it was like they had always known each other. They have been like that ever since. I will update on Christmas next. I just in closing must add that Diamond and his Pa-O are very attatched. Florence is attatching to Daddy as well, she is just pretty homesick right now. Diamond follows Pa-O around all the time. He is all boy (except for every once and awhile when he puts on the girls play high heels). He had all of the toy cars in the house lined up in the kitchen within an hour of arriving at his new house. Florence took her first warm bath and loved it. They ar
e settling right in.
1 comment:
At least you are home safe and surrounded by your loving family. Take a deep breath and relax.
Valerie
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