Where the Journey Began

Where does a journey begin? Does it begin when you first step onto that path, or did it start with the path that led you to the current path, or the path before that? I now believe that a journey begins long before we even know there is a journey to be taken.

Have you ever woken up in the morning and realized that you were somewhere that you never truly expected to be, but as you look back you can see where all the paths deliberately turned and twisted to bring you to this point? The irony is that you can never see ahead, only behind, you must just follow with faith. But, eventually, it makes sense when looking retrospectively.

That is where I am at right now, in this very moment of my life. I can now look back and see so many miracles that led me to this moment. I know now that my path and the journey have been laid out from since before I was born. There are things I am destined to accomplish, children I am destined to raise and love, and people I am destined to know. It is all in His plan for me. I am amazed and humbled that God knows me individually. He knows my heart and knows what will bring me complete joy. This is the journey He knew was best for me. No matter how daunting some days, I have no complaints, this is the journey of my dreams.

I can't pinpoint an exact moment that my conscious adoption journey started, but I can definitely say that it has been a long time in coming. I was the child that always wanted the black Cabbage Patch dolls and the black Barbie dolls. I have always been in love with the differences in the world--the geography, the people, the customs. I began studying folklore of other countries when I was in third grade. I read as much as I could find on other countries. I used to spin the globe and hold my finger against the twirling ball until it stopped on a random country. Then I would declare, "Someday, I'm going there." I learned there were a lot of strangely named countries in the world that way, but I also realized that at any given moment, life was going on in a million different places--not just in my little American town.

I had a moment of childhood revelation of the great need in the world when I was around 8 or 9. I remember watching the children of Ethiopia during their devestating famine in the 80's. Their eyes so largely disproportionate to their bony faces, and they didn't even have the strength to shew away the flies on their bodies. I kept thinking, "We have a lot of food at our house, if I could just share it with them." I became so concerned with how I could share what I had--I had so much. It was also the first time I thought, "Why me?" Why was I born to a family with food and shelter, while others suffered so miserably. I couldn't answer that question, but I accepted that I had a responsibility to somehow bridge the gap.

Then, when I was 12 years old, my Aunt Nancy adotped a little baby from India. He was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. Eyes, deep and dark, and full of wonder. He had been an untouchable, an orphan that no one would or could take in in his own country. It was the first time I realized that it is possible to reach out and touch the other side of the world, to make a difference, to give hope to another. I remember watching a little video that was sent with baby Jesse of his orphanage. In the video there were two or three little girls that were about 4ish. The voice on the video explained that these little girls would probably never be adopted because people only wanted the babies, not the older children. It was at that moment, I wanted to take an older child, I wanted to wrap my arms around her and tell her it would all be okay. Every child deserves a mother. That was the first moment I KNEW without a doubt that I would someday adopt. I also knew at that moment that I would adopt an older child from a foreign country. The spirit touched my heart and that is the first time I began to really hear the whisperings of this calling in life.

Later, in college, I saved up thousands of dollars to go to India and work in Mother Theresa's orphanage. It had been my dream from the time my cousin had been adopted. Right before I was to go, my future husband proposed to me. I knew that marrying him at that time was the thing that I was supposed to do. Many people, myself included occasionally, wonder why I couldn't have just gone and then married him later. As I have realized over the years, I don't think it would have worked like that. I think the Lord required that sacrifice from me at that time so that later, down the road, he could open other, bigger doors for me along the same lines. My dreams were put on hold, only to be fulfilled in a much bigger way.

I have recently had several other experiences come to my mind, that I now see as God's way of preparing me for the future journey of adoption. I didn't realize their magnitude at the time, but one can always see much more clearly through the rear view mirror. It is very interesting to now be able to assemble all of the puzzle pieces together and see the larger picture. So many lessons, miracles, promptings have made it possible for me to adopt. But, I also think that this adoption is just another puzzle piece for an even larger picture that is still unassembled and obstructed from my view. Only time can tell.