Great Books to Read

Did I mention that the most stressful part of adoption is waiting--well, let me say it again, it most definitely is! So I figured it was a good time to read up on the country of Liberia and adoption. I read several history books and lots of internet articles and blogs about interracial adoption and attachment, but there are four in particular that I have really loved and want to share.

1. My very favorite: Blue Clay People by William Powers.

If someday I teach at a university (like I hope), and I teach anything related to my degree of International Relations, I will have my students read this book. It is incredible. Mr. Powers writes this book autobiographically, yet uses it to teach many important lessons about giving foreign aid, about saving the rain forest, about loving a people so deeply that you will sacrifice your personal comforts to help them. He describes the people and the culture with such clarity, but more importantly he paints the ironic, paradoxical picture of reviving a "fourth world", war-torn culture. I love the way he shows that the American ethnocentric approach to grassroots development can fall so pathetically short without understanding the land and culture we are trying to aid. Only when we really get in there and live with these people can we understand what their true needs are. This is exactly what Mr. Powers did in Liberia and watched as many of his attempts failed and many succeeded. There is much to be learned from his story.

2. A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah is an unbelievable autobiography of courage and triumph of a boy soldier in Sierra Leone. Many of you have seen or heard of the movie Blood Diamonds--same war and country. Ishmael's story is set in the mid-late 90's in, during my college years. The rebels, funded by Liberian president of the time, Charles Taylor, destroyed almost all the villages, slaughtering families, raping women, and stealing young boys to be come soldiers. The government of Sierra Leone also resorted to the same horrendous practice. They would take the young boys and pump them full of all kinds of drugs until they lost all fear and would not sleep for days on end. They taught them to kill in every imaginable way, stealing their childhood and their innocence. Ishmael was recruited by the government forces at the age of 13. He saw and experienced more than any person, let alone, child should. Yet, through a set of miraculous events, we was rehabilitated and eventually escaped to the United States. Now, he shares his story so that people will realize what horrible things are happening around the world each day. As I read the book, I felt this complete disappointment in myself for not knowing. For being so comfortable and complacent in my own gluttonous life, that I didn't even know that women's babies were being ripped from their arms and murdered. Sometimes, I think that we as Americans would rather read the ridiculous tabloids than the truth about Africa. It is a desparate situation, and sometimes we feel helpless. But the truth is, just being aware, praying, sending aid, adopting children:), it all makes a difference.

3. My favorite adoption book: Attaching in Adoption by Debra D. Grey taught me so much about children and trauma. I can't imagine what my beautiful children have been through. They have been given away at an age when they were fully aware of their lives. They have suffered a loss most of us will never understand. This book gave me so much insight, not only into adoption and the trauma of a child losing a parent, but also into dealing with any childhood trauma. It was especially interesting in its discussion of sexual abuse of children and how devestating and long lasting its effects can be. It also teaches that through love, understanding, counseling, and lots of affection, children are resilient and can overcome so much.

4. The other book I am still working on, but really enjoy is Twenty Things Adopted Children Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge. It is actually more oriented to children adopted at birth, but can be equally applicable to older adopted children. It makes a lot of great points that adopted children have suffered a great loss, even if separated at birth. Adopted children can feel that they are different and these differences need to be addressed and celebrated. They also need to be able love and mourn their birth mother without the adoptive parents becoming jealous or resentful. This book is very straightforward for adopting parents. I am not sure how my children will mourn their loss and exactly all the right words I am supposed to say to comfort them, however, I think this book helped me to understand how open I need to be with them. I also do need to show them that I, too, love their birthmother for the beautiful gift she has given me.