Getting Brian on Board

It seemed like every time I decided it was absolutely the right thing to do to adopt, something would come up that would make me second guess. There are so many issues with adoption, and even more specific ones with Liberia and with adopting an older boy. It is a scary thing in today's world to bring a boy, whose history is unknown, into a household of little girls. Reactive Attatchment Disorder (RAD) is a huge worry to adoptive parents. This occurs when the child has either been so traumatize that they shut themselves off from human connections, or from lack of bonding at an early age. When you adopt internationally, you don't get a full day to day history of your child, their behavior, their genetics, their human interactions, their medical history, family medical history--nothing. Just bare minimum information. In Africa, they can't even guarantee that their ages are correct. This felt to me like closing my eyes and stepping off a thousand foot cliff. Was I ready for this?

I came across a quote one day on one of my message boards that read: "Do not doubt in the dark what you knew in the light." I knew what God had in mind for me--He had let me know in no uncertain terms. I knew the answer I had received, I was just letting doubt and fear override that. Another quote I love came to mind, "Do not take counsel from your fears." God is not going to keep telling you the same thing over and over, eventually you will have to just take the leap of faith. It's alright to be afraid, it is not alright to let fear make your decisions. I also know that I have had many other "leaps of faith" in my life, and when I leapt, I was always caught. Finally, I made a deal with God. I would be willing to adopt from Africa if He did two things to make it happen. First, He had to convince my skeptic husband, and second, He had to help everything fall into place quickly because of the upcoming move and Brian's eventual deployment to Iraq.

During one of Brian's short breaks between exams, I approached the subject with real intent. He knew I meant business. I think at first he thought it wasn another of my hairbrained schemes (I get those alot). He didn't take me seriously. One night, I told him everything that had happened to me and all the reasons I thought we should adopt. The funny thing is that there really weren't any good reasons except that God told me to. He was scared, I could tell immediately. He did not want me to be right. We already have five kids--more than anyone we know--now we would have six (that is before we knew we would get two beautiful babies). That is like a freak show that doesn't even fit in a minivan.

But, Brian being the amazing man that he is, took it to the Lord. I can't explain what happened, except to say that it was divine intervention. He went from being angry at me for proposing such madness, to being curious, to being supportive, to being excited about it. Miracles do happen. That was the first of many on this journey!