Brian and I went on our nightly walk the other night and took a camera to document a few of the things we love about Tennessee and as we walked we sang this little song,
"When your car breaks
Cuz your hose works,
And you're kid is bad,
We simply remember a few of our favorite things. . .
And then we will not go mad."
Last Friday, I spent hours preparing for a major garage sale. We've only ever had one other one when we were told we were going to move to Japan. That was in Utah and we ended up making well over $2000. I had been hesitant about doing it again from the beginning, but as things unfolded I knew wholeheartedly I had made a huge mistake.
Saturday morning Brian went to put the signs out for the yard sale. He drove about a half a mile down the main road and the car sputtered, lurched and died. It was 6 am, he had to walk all the way back home after walking up and down the road to put up garage sale signs. When he returned and told me what had happened, I knew it was an omen and my good karma had apparently died with the engine.
The temperature was close to 100 degrees with about 95 percent humidity, which was miserable sitting anywhere outside-even in the shade. There were a few nice people that came through and appreciated my stuff, and even bought a few things. But, the majority of the people reminded me of the individuals you see at the carnival and wonder where on earth they came from, because to the best of your knowledge you have never seen them out in the daylight. (Well, maybe occasionally at Walmart.)
Anyway, they all walked around glaring at my furniture and dishes and kept mumbling, "This all too nice for me." "She want too much for this crap." Or my favorite, "Well, don't ya'll live in a nice big house."--said with blatant disdain. I felt like I was being personally violated by their critical eyes and negative remarks. Essentially they only wanted the garbage. Anything they could get for a quarter, it didn't matter what it was. We ended up only making about $300 and that was mostly from some bigger items of furniture we sold.Oh, one of my favorite moments came when someone walked up to all of our food storage number ten cans we were selling for $1 each. The old, toothless man practically choked as he muttered, "What the hell is all this for?" Brian then went on to explain being Mormon and the importance of being prepared for emergencies. His face contorted, he shrugged and walked off. I had visions of the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina flash through my head. . . but I'll stay off that soapbox for now.
All in all, it was a complete waste of my time, energy and especially my dignity. But, before I get all worked up again, I will take a deep breath and mention how much I love the honeysuckle in Tennessee. It grows all over and the scent hangs in the air everywhere you go. When I get a little stressed, it does wonders to cheer me.
If only I had kept it woven in my hair for the entire week, maybe I would have stayed calm when the repairman, Red, who came highly recommended by Auto Zone, came to our house on Monday. There were moments when I wasn't sure if he was a repairman or a demolition man. He disassembled the entire dashboard and fuel line. He and his sidekick, "Flip" (no joke) carried the five foot long gas tank into my back yard to siphon all of the fuel into my own buckets on my grass. Red said, "These rich neighborhoods, they always be callin the cops when we do sh** like this." Oh, good to know that now in addition to a broken down car I will have poor relations with the neighbors. . . oh, wait I already do, so no worries. Whatever! Just fix the dang car. Red informed me that my gas tank was filled with over two gallons of water and my car needed a new fuel pump and possibly new spark plugs. It ended up being a $500 repair.
*Deep Breath* This may be a good time to talk about how much I love the fireflies around here. I love how they sparkle all over the fields and lawns like glitter.
(If you look closely at the pictures there are little yellow gittering lights above the grass.)
I love that they fly slower than snot so you can easily reach out and grab them and smash them on your hand so your hand glows for a minute. I really love fireflies.
But there are not enough damn fireflies in Tennesse and Kentucky combined that could have made me not want to kill Giselle when I found it it was her bright idea to fill the gas tank with the hose. I should take those fireflies, mash them up, smear them all over her, take her glowing little rear end out in the middle of the night and use it for midnight target practice!
Oh, but my favorite things don't end there. After Red and Flip finished "repairing" my car I took that beautiful beast of a van out for a joy ride and wouldn't you know it, the A/C no longer worked and the gauges in the car were flashing constantly and making that incessant dinging noise that makes your brain swell. I couldn't make it stop. It told me the car was overheating. I panicked. I called Red and told him things were not fixed. He said bring it by my shop.
The next day I drove down to Red's shop, or I might say junk yard in the middle of the ghetto. For three hours I sat in the sweltering heat working on homework on my lap top. There I was, a little woman with a nice lap top in the midst of the projects. The cops were swarming like vultures waiting to pounce on drug dealers. People sat around doing nothing, just smoking like chimneys. It reminded me of Liberia where there is an 85 percent unemployment rate and poverty is all they know. I wasn't sure if I was still in America.
Red and Flip once again tore open the dash and started ripping out wires and hoses and after three hours, Red say, "Well, I ain't seen nuthin wrong. I'm gonna go get some lunch." So I sat there, knowing Red could not fix my car and had undoubtedly caused all the additional problems in the first place, and I could not put the dashboard back together to get the heck out of dodge--or Harlem. So I sat there by my lonesome in the heat, in the ghetto, with a laptop--and a giant neon light on my head that said, "Stupid White Woman."
The next day, the car seemed to be acting up even more so I finally decided to skip out on Flip and Red the demolition derby, and go to the Chevy dealer. They had my car for a day and a half. Do you know what there is to do with seven kids, 100 percent humidity and no car?--NOTHING!! Nothing at all. I was going nuts. But not as nuts as when I went to get the car and it cost me another $550 for the damage Red did while repairing the other damage. For crying out loud, what did I do to offend the Gods?
Do you know how awesome all of the little old farmhouses here are?
I think this is a really good time to talk about how quaint I find all of the romantic farmhouses. I love how they stand out over the rolling fields of hay, wheat or corn. I love the bales of hay, rolled and waiting in the fields for the farmers.
Brian loves a roll in the hay--that's one of his favorite things--but you probably didn't need to know that.
If only I could gaze at a beautiful farmhouse
when the Army tells us that after eight weeks they have still not approved our request for command sponsorship which means that we cannot proceed with our move, at least not altogether. By regulation it is supposed to only take one week for the papers to be signed and returned. But, I suppose that in accordance to my unknown offense toward the Gods, for us it must take 10 times as long. When Brian called last they said they had no idea when or if the commander would sign the papers. Okay, don't mind us, it doesn't affect our life any. . . bureaucratic morons!
We are supposed to be in Utah by middle of July, but without command sponsorship we cannot get orders to travel as a family to Korea which means we are not sure if we should leave here before we get them. Without orders we cannot ship the household goods we need to live which means we will all be sleeping and eating on the floor or we must buy cheap furniture over there. Without orders the kids cannot attend school over there, which means I must homeschool while trying to go to graduate school. Without orders we cannot get our official government passports and must use tourist passports which means we must leave Korea every three months and return to get new visas. Without orders we have to pay for myself and the kids to come which will cost us around $20k.
I am worn out with moving every year. I am worn out with not having control in my life. I am worn out with bureaucracy and being another casualty of it. But, I am willing to do to what it takes to keep Brian from leaving us for another year. I don't think $20k is too high of a price to do that. So, no matter what happens we are going to Korea, because we are determined stay together as a family if at all possible.
Which brings me to my last favorite thing in Tennessee. I love my kids. I love when they are bored because it is hot and humid, and well, boring. They are deviously creative (minus the cute idea to put the hose in the gas tank). The other day they decided to play Alice in Wonderland and they all devised character costumes.
Diamond is also brilliant in his artistic designs. Here he has used his Bionicles to transform himself into Iron Man.
Brian and I are stressed and scared to death, but we are going forward trying to stay positive. Things will work out somehow, sometime. . . because the Lord never forgets us. He just likes to try our patience on a regular basis. So while many of these things were not my favorite, even in the hardest times there are always wonderful things that make life worth living.
But there are not enough damn fireflies in Tennesse and Kentucky combined that could have made me not want to kill Giselle when I found it it was her bright idea to fill the gas tank with the hose. I should take those fireflies, mash them up, smear them all over her, take her glowing little rear end out in the middle of the night and use it for midnight target practice!
Oh, but my favorite things don't end there. After Red and Flip finished "repairing" my car I took that beautiful beast of a van out for a joy ride and wouldn't you know it, the A/C no longer worked and the gauges in the car were flashing constantly and making that incessant dinging noise that makes your brain swell. I couldn't make it stop. It told me the car was overheating. I panicked. I called Red and told him things were not fixed. He said bring it by my shop.
The next day I drove down to Red's shop, or I might say junk yard in the middle of the ghetto. For three hours I sat in the sweltering heat working on homework on my lap top. There I was, a little woman with a nice lap top in the midst of the projects. The cops were swarming like vultures waiting to pounce on drug dealers. People sat around doing nothing, just smoking like chimneys. It reminded me of Liberia where there is an 85 percent unemployment rate and poverty is all they know. I wasn't sure if I was still in America.
Red and Flip once again tore open the dash and started ripping out wires and hoses and after three hours, Red say, "Well, I ain't seen nuthin wrong. I'm gonna go get some lunch." So I sat there, knowing Red could not fix my car and had undoubtedly caused all the additional problems in the first place, and I could not put the dashboard back together to get the heck out of dodge--or Harlem. So I sat there by my lonesome in the heat, in the ghetto, with a laptop--and a giant neon light on my head that said, "Stupid White Woman."
The next day, the car seemed to be acting up even more so I finally decided to skip out on Flip and Red the demolition derby, and go to the Chevy dealer. They had my car for a day and a half. Do you know what there is to do with seven kids, 100 percent humidity and no car?--NOTHING!! Nothing at all. I was going nuts. But not as nuts as when I went to get the car and it cost me another $550 for the damage Red did while repairing the other damage. For crying out loud, what did I do to offend the Gods?
Do you know how awesome all of the little old farmhouses here are?
I think this is a really good time to talk about how quaint I find all of the romantic farmhouses. I love how they stand out over the rolling fields of hay, wheat or corn. I love the bales of hay, rolled and waiting in the fields for the farmers. Brian loves a roll in the hay--that's one of his favorite things--but you probably didn't need to know that.If only I could gaze at a beautiful farmhouse
when the Army tells us that after eight weeks they have still not approved our request for command sponsorship which means that we cannot proceed with our move, at least not altogether. By regulation it is supposed to only take one week for the papers to be signed and returned. But, I suppose that in accordance to my unknown offense toward the Gods, for us it must take 10 times as long. When Brian called last they said they had no idea when or if the commander would sign the papers. Okay, don't mind us, it doesn't affect our life any. . . bureaucratic morons!We are supposed to be in Utah by middle of July, but without command sponsorship we cannot get orders to travel as a family to Korea which means we are not sure if we should leave here before we get them. Without orders we cannot ship the household goods we need to live which means we will all be sleeping and eating on the floor or we must buy cheap furniture over there. Without orders the kids cannot attend school over there, which means I must homeschool while trying to go to graduate school. Without orders we cannot get our official government passports and must use tourist passports which means we must leave Korea every three months and return to get new visas. Without orders we have to pay for myself and the kids to come which will cost us around $20k.
I am worn out with moving every year. I am worn out with not having control in my life. I am worn out with bureaucracy and being another casualty of it. But, I am willing to do to what it takes to keep Brian from leaving us for another year. I don't think $20k is too high of a price to do that. So, no matter what happens we are going to Korea, because we are determined stay together as a family if at all possible.
Which brings me to my last favorite thing in Tennessee. I love my kids. I love when they are bored because it is hot and humid, and well, boring. They are deviously creative (minus the cute idea to put the hose in the gas tank). The other day they decided to play Alice in Wonderland and they all devised character costumes.
Diamond is also brilliant in his artistic designs. Here he has used his Bionicles to transform himself into Iron Man.Brian and I are stressed and scared to death, but we are going forward trying to stay positive. Things will work out somehow, sometime. . . because the Lord never forgets us. He just likes to try our patience on a regular basis. So while many of these things were not my favorite, even in the hardest times there are always wonderful things that make life worth living.
2 comments:
I loved this post!
I hope things work out for you guys. And I hope I get to see the kids in July.
Very nice! I'm glad I'm not the only mom who has had the thought cross her mind to use kids for target practice!!! Heehee! I surely hope that things somehow work out and go smoothly for your family and ours! :) I'm going to miss you guys! We are having our garage sale on Saturday! I almost don't care how much we sell things for, I just want to get rid of it!
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