Another Round of Testing

I'm struggling tonight, so I know this is going to sound more depressing than it is. I know it really isn't a big deal in the big picture, but I am scared more than anything. The DNA tests must be run again. We should have an answer by Friday night or Saturday morning--which is actually faster than I thought it would be. Originally, when I talked to the DNA lab, they warned me this could happen. They made it sound like it actually happens quite often. The truth is that I knew in my gut that this was going to happen. Yet, it really made me concerned tonight when my friend Sharon's DNA test came back positive. I am so happy for Sharon and she will now get to get her kids home before Christmas for sure. It just makes me wonder if it is a bad omen for me.

I have been concerned all along about the legitimacy of this women as their mother, so now this just brings up more fears. In my mind, I can not figure out why the woman would come back from up country where she had been at a funeral to get the testing if she were not really the mother. It seems that she would understand that this test was going to prove her motherhood or prove her a liar. I wouldn't show up if it meant that everyone would know I was lying. But, I guess you never know.

So my dilemma is that if there is any chance of me going in December, I must purchase my ticket on Friday. I may not know the results by then, so do I take the risk of purchasing or not? At the most I stand to lose is $75--which relatively is a small cost compared to all the other adoption costs. But, I just don't know.

My biggest fear is that she is not the mother. I do not know what will happen at that point, how long it will take, or what will be done. I guess I will reassess on Saturday, so I might as well not go there right now.

So, the major stress is whether or not to buy that ticket. To buy or not to buy, that is the question!