I Hate Goodbyes

I guess we don't always get the miracles we pray for. . . that's one of the crappy life lessons we all have to face at some point in our life. Things don't always work out the way we hope. So what do we do after that? We hope for something new and it keeps us moving forward, even if it's just a little at a time.

I dropped Brian off at the airport this morning and he is on his way to Korea. We are still number eleven on the waiting list to get orders to go. I really have no idea what this waiting list is for or how it works, I just know that we only moved up one spot in a week. That means that it maybe up to three months until I see Brian again. I hate saying goodbyes knowing it may be a long time until we are together again. This time has been especially hard, even though I know it won't be as long as when he went to Afghanistan, it just has brought back all of the heartache and pain I experienced last year raising seven children alone. I know I'll make it, because, really, what other choice do I have? But it is not easy and I'm so scared it is all I can do to keep the tears under the surface.

It is far too difficult on everyone for family to take us in for longer than a week or two--that's a natural consequence of having so many children, I suppose--so we are living in a little hotel suite up in Salt Lake City. It will be fine if it is for a month or so, but it may be very taxing on all of us if this lasts for several months. But, I guess some people are homeless with their children, so I can't complain. I just sometimes have to step back and wonder at the craziness I call my life and how these things end up happening--it's obviously less than ideal, but not as bad as it could be, right? My new miracle I am hoping for is to have the kids in school in Korea by the end of August. Sometimes I am afraid to hope too hard because it hurts worse when it doesn't pan out, but on the other hand, having something to pray hard for keeps me moving forward.