Let the madness begin. . .

Oakley is coming up on fourteen years old. I can't believe it. Where does time go? It seems like just yesterday he was a chubby little guy that resemebled the Michelin man and about broke my back when I had to tote him back and forth to my college classes. Now he is officially a teenager. . . in so many ways. Yes, he has a girlfriend. She's named Anastasia and is about three or four inches taller than him. I have nothing against her personally, but there is something about that that has always creeped me out--short guys dating tall girls. Maybe it's because of where their eyes are most likely to end up--which is probably why short guys like tall girls! (But maybe that's where all guys' eyes end up no matter how tall they are??) So there you go, another reason I am freaked out--my son is getting hormones and no longer thinks girls have cooties. Now what?

My son is also going through an identity crisis phase. I remember those days myself. I think it is characteristic of middle school and is an obligatory coming of age ritual to try on different hats. . .or in this case different hairstyles. . . to find one's self. I am not sure what statement Oakley wanted to make with this hairstyle, if it was a joke? To be edgy? To try on the Emo look? But he asked me to give him this haircut.

I am also trying to find my place as the mother of a teenage son and an almost teenage daughter. I want to give them space to find themselves, to grow, and to learn and to experience the world. It is scary not to be able to control everything they do, see, say, believe. . . but I think it is even more frightening to think about why kind of weird adults they will be if I shelter them and try to control them. Thus, I let him have his haircut. He wanted to dye it pink and spike it straight up, to which I agreed. . . for the day. He tried spiking it, but he wasn't willing to use egg whites like I suggested. He asked if I would let him keep it for awhile.

I was sooo nervous. It wasn't really the haircut itself that bothered me, although as you can see it was ridiculous. It was more that I didn't want him to get labeled at school as Emo. Sometimes at that age a label can deceive a child into thinking that is what he or she really must be. I see it happening so much with homosexuality and bisexuality. My children have told me that many of their friends are trying on the Emo look, accompanied with that comes trying on the bisexuality--in SIXTH & SEVENTH grades for crying out loud! I know Oakley is a good, smart kid that is not easily swayed by trends, but he's still in a tough spot in his life. Middle school is sort of like the armpit of life experience for all of us.

I told him he could wear it to school, but he had to understand what people would think and say about him. I asked him if that was the image he wanted to portray to others. He was somewhat ambivalent in his answer which made me think, he really did want to try it on for size. I let him keep it throughout the day and said he could wear it to school if he insisted, but the neighbor kids mocked him relentlessly which made him decide that maybe he didn't really like the emo haircut afterall. Sweet! Nothing like bully neighbor kids to do my job for me :)! So he is now back to his handsome, clean cut self. I let him do the skater do for five months, and I let him do the emo do for a day, now it's the military do.

I just try to tell myself that my kids need to experience life and make choices for themselves. Consequences are a much better teacher than even I can be sometimes. I try to remind myself of the words of Joseph Smith, "Teach [your children] correct principles and let them govern themselves." It's much easier said than done, but I am learning.

I have great kids, and now, after a brief brush with a coiffure abomination, they all have great haircuts too!