Twue Wuv

It wasn't easy to drop Brian off at the airport this morning. He's on his way back to Afghanistan as I type. Truthfully, I'm pretty sick of this whole deployment thing. This past two weeks I came to have a firm belief in husbands. They really are nice to have around, even with all the extra dirty laundry they offer. Sadly, it had been so long, I had forgotten how wonderful it can be.

Brian and I have always had an incredible marriage. We have this silly joke that we should never compare our marriage to other people's because it makes others feel badly. We love being together. This past two weeks Brian and I were rarely even out of the same room. At one point, Brian even told Oakley that he would love to help him with his homework as long as he could stay near enough to kiss me when he needed to (which was very often :). Not once did we get sick of each other or argue. We laughed and we talked and cooked together and went on long walks together. At one point in the deployment, one of my sisters-in-law said, "This deployment will be good for your marriage because you'll be able to talk to so much." I laughed. Brian and I talk all day every day about everything, whether he's deployed or not. We prefer being with each other to any other option.

This is wonderful for our marriage, but it did initially pose a problem with the deployment. We didn't know how to have a marriage when we weren't together and didn't have a traditional marriage. I know it's hard on everyone in our position. In fact, the divorce rate for families going through deployment is astronomical. It is so hard. It was really hard for us because we had never been independent of each other. Neither of us really had any friends and we really aren't the type to hang out with buddies. We were pathetic the first few months, just trying to find ways to distract ourselves from our loneliness and depression. And when we turned to each other to discuss our feelings, it actually perpetuated the frustration and sadness. There came a point where we both had to let go of each other to a certain degree, just to survive. I think it is the same when you lose someone close to you. The missing and aching is so painful that your choice is to let go of that person or become emotionally incapacitated. I remembered all of the memories of being with Brian, but after awhile I began to forget what it FELT like to be physically close to him. I had to to ease the pain and keep moving forward. I wish that I could explain it better than to say that I had a marriage in theory, but not in tangibility. If you have never experienced this, it is likely you will not understand. I hope for your sake you never have to.

There is a cheesy-make-you-want-to-gag saying: After the rain comes the rainbow, that I hate to use, but is so applicable here. We suffered through nine months of hell and various storms, but when he came home, the the rainbow was brighter than it's ever been. We fell in love all over again, deeper and stronger than ever. He kept saying to me, "It's like being newlyweds, only we are older and wiser (and have a lot better skills in certain areas :). We were so appreciative of each other and the sacrifice that the other person has made to make it through this deployment. We also connected on a higher spiritual level than ever. I think it is because in your darkest hours you eventually turn to the Lord in desperation, and when we did that together our marriage was hugely strengthened, as was our faith.

I couldn't have married a better man than Brian Simons. Fourteen years ago on August 29, he took me up to the front of Timpanogas mountain and asked me to marry him. I was scared that we were both too young. I was afraid that we were too poor and had too many years of college still ahead of us. His sister tried to talk him out of it. My dad's best friend tried to talk my dad into talking me out of it. But we knew we were doing the right thing and we did it all in the right way. I've never once regretted or questioned my decision. There is no better man for me in this world than Brian. I love you, baby, more than I can ever put into words.

While Brian was here we went out together as often as possible. One night we decided to go to the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville together. I love to experience life to its fullest. We have been to the iditarod in Alaska, deep sea fishing, beaches all over the western hemisphere. We've hiked in mountains, explored ancient Mayan ruins, canoed swamps, swam in perma frost heated lakes. We've been to Niagra, Mt. Rushmore, Gettysburg, The Alamo, White Sands, to name a few. So when he suggested we get a little taste of classic country Americana, I was super excited.

When we arrived, Brian said, "I think we could be the youngest people in the crowd." Well, when the show started, we figured out why. The majority of the performers were in their 70's and 80's. One old feller, Little Jimmy Pickens, quite possibly could have performed at the Opry's inception in 1925, he was so old. We were introduced to old cowboy country (which sounded a lot like "Home on the Range," and "On Top of Old Smokey"), bluegrass, gospel, Vegas style country, Cajun banjo hits, and a lot of 'I've smoked too many cigarettes' off key croaks by the ancient country crooners. It was hilarious. I couldn't stop giggling. Brian, I think was disappointed. But I felt like I was on a show on the travel channel doing something you always hear about but never get around to doing. So, now I can say I've been there done that. Probably we ain't headin back no time soon, but it was for shore a night I won't rightly forget! (I will say that Vince Gill, while he looks like a nerdy accountant gone Country, was very good. Too bad he only sang two songs.)