My life in One-Liners

I admit I'm a facebook addict. I really don't want to be, but it is the only way I can stay connected to my family. If it weren't for facebook, I don't think I would know anything about my in-laws' lives or possibly my own siblings. I also like facebook because I can tell about my life in just a couple sentences each day. I know I post way too much, like its some sort of OCD illness, but I am weirdly drawn to the challenge of being witty in the confinement of only a few words. So, I thought that I would keep track of some of status updates because they express some of the things I am going through in my life. This post collects some of my feelings and experiences from November and December 2010 in the form of facebook updates.


You know the best way to celebrate Veteran's Day, make your soldier do the dishes in honor of all the times you had to do them while he was at war.

Had to substitute teach at the kids' school today and my awesome husband called the Army radio station (the only one that speaks English here) and requested Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" and dedicated it to me. The kids and I heard it on the radio as we drove to school. I love that guy :)!

Unbelievable! My kids have been inundated by an deluge of homework. Their school is so incredibly hard. You should see the homework they're sending home in math for Giselle. Koreans are sadistic when it comes to studying.

$300 worth of groceries, living on the 6th floor and one person to carry them in? Ugh. I guess there has to be some drawback to living in an awesome place. I guess the threat of nuclear war is a slight downer, too.

You know the world is changing in crazy ways when your 2nd grader comes home from school and informs you that she needs a USB drive for her school stuff.

Brian got a new Korean cell phone and needed a new ringtone. Here's a couple of the titles of ringtones he had to choose from: "Runaway model," "Morning Coffee," "With you I am Happy," "Outstanding Employee" or "Diligent Student." How can one choose between such excellent options?

My life is wonderful and exciting and I am so blessed! I keep thinking about how awful deployment was and how I had days I didn't think I'd survive. I guess we have to get through the hard times to fully appreciate the wonderful times, right? Korea is our rainbow!

Milestone at the Simons house: we had one of our daughters finally get a bra. No, it wasn't the 12 year old (it'll be at least two more years for her), not my 11 year old (also a year or more to wait), it was my 9 year old who is in first grade for the 3rd time. What am I going to do? I don't think this is a good thing.

I just became vice president of the PTO at the International School. The whole experience was like a television sitcom. Quote from a Korean man there (the one who won as president): "President and VP are the jobs for men and secretary is the job for women." Response in my head, "Oh, no you didn't just say that!" So... I ran against him as President to show him American women aren't push overs.

Substituting 1st Grade today. Pray for me. See the thing is, I don't like other people's kids that much. . . I barely like my own most days.

So I went to the traditional Korean market to get some pajamas. It took me awhile to find some long enough, but finally I found these. When I looked at the tag they said: "Man Pajamas." What? Hearts? Fluffy sheep? Are you kidding? Look at these things, they're not even "Gay Man Pajamas." I don't even think drag qu...eens would wear these things! But what do you expect from a country that has Hello Kitty as a national icon?


I am learning to drive like a Korean. It's like Vehicular Darwinism. Survival of the fittest around here, baby! Move out of my way or I'll push you off the road, cut you off, U-turn right in front of you, run red lights and/or swerve recklessly into your lane to avoid buses that suddenly merge into traffic without signaling.

I love having my kids on facebook so that I can harass them at home and online! I especially love it when they're dense enough to get on facebook while they're at school and post things--like I won't figure it out. Thank you facebook for improving my parenting skills!

Three years ago today I arrived in Liberia to meet my two African babies for the first time. That was when the real adventure of parenting began for us.

At the school Christmas concert an old Korean woman approached Brian and started talking in Korean. Her friend translated: "Your wife is beautiful." Brian: "Thanks, I agree." Korean woman/translator: "And if I were younger I would think you are very very handsome." Translator turned red followed by an awkward silence... while Brian tried not to laugh.

Filled with gratitude today. All I can think of is how much I love Christmastime and how much I love all the people that are part of my life. I believe that every life that touches ours is divinely designed. It's going to be a beautiful Christmas in Korea!

Florence: Mommy, you are the best cooker. When I grow up will you give me your recipe for hot dogs?

Five hours of driving in a car with seven kids who are so excited for Christmas they can't sit still or shut their mouths, just to finish Christmas shopping is pretty much an act of sadism.

It's Christmas in Daegu. The kids were spoiled this year once again. Dang Santa always gets carried away (especially when he finds deals on his nerdy internet deal site:). The kids are enjoying a new xbox 360 Kinect. . . pictures to come.

Went shopping downtown tonight with the family and came across a men and women's clothing store called, "Teenie Weenie." Brian turned and said, "That's sure as hell not where I need to shop." Gwyny replied, "But maybe Oakley should." Sisters are the worst!

Florence: Mommy, when you were my age, did you dream that when you grew up you would only have three children that would be really popular like me?" Why, yes, Florence, every night I dreamed about having popular African children.

So yesterday I took Diamond and Florence to the doctor, to the lab for bloodwork, to the pharmacy, then shopping and when I got home Gwynyth said, "Mom, did you wear your sweater inside out the entire time you were out?" Doh! I didn't even notice, but I'm sure everyone else did. I just hope everyone knew that mental re...tardation is a natural byproduct of motherhood!

While walking in the underground mall a 90-year-old Korean man hobbled over to me and asked me out on a date. His English was excellent even if all his teeth were missing. When I declined, he became very persistent and pulled on my arm. Then he stopped and said, "Oh, you no like because you have husband?" Well, that..., too, but, I no like because you ancient! Dude, who does he think I am, Anna-Nicole Smith?

We found a store downtown named, "Her Beautiful Reason for Going On" which is located just around the corner from "Buttocks Bra." I tell ya, the shopping possibilities are endless here!
I think translation is part of it but the buttocks bra is exactly that. I thought at first it was like a panty and bra shop, but no, it's seriously a store that sells bras for your butt. Some people might laugh, but after having five children, I think it's a fantastic idea--in fact, that may be just the beautiful reason to go on that I've been looking for

Last night I had all the kids write 4 New Year's resolutions in four categories, health, school, money & church. Florence wrote: school, learn my math so my mom will be proud of me; church, love Jesus and be a good church person, and health (my favorite): eat more strawberries & be kind. I won't lie, it's hard having... a special needs child, but she's such a blessing, too.
Florence is a very special little girl and even though I get so frustrated with the fact that she's so developmentally delayed, I know God sent her to me for a reason. I can't imagine what would have happened to her if she'd stayed in Liberia

So discouraged today. . .
I have been trying to get this Marriage and Family therapy internship set up with the Army mental health clinic here and it isn't working out so far. What is frustrating is that I have no other options because my Korean skills can get me a bathroom and a pencil and that's about it--definitely can't do therapy in Korean. It's just hard to always be at the mercy of the Army. I keep praying for a miracle. . . maybe one of these days I will find the right connection and work it out
I can ask for a pencil or I can ask for a bathroom, but asking for a pencil in the bathroom would be way too complicated for my current language skill--thank goodness because who knows what Koreans would think if I asked that. I already once asked if something was a takja (what I thought was the word for table) which as it turns out, I pronounced it wrong and told the guy to shut up is chicken mouth. See what would happen if I did therapy in Korean?

The other night we heard Diamond sobbing hysterically. When we asked him what was wrong he said, "I hate being black! I don't want to be black anymore!" It was a really hard night for us--but we got through it. Sadly, I don't think it will be the last discussion on race. Some days I really wonder if we did the righ...t thing adopting? I know I feel like a failure as their mother most days. It really is so hard
He was upset because the girls in his class always say he's black. I think that sometimes he forgets he is. But the funny thing is, he's the only person in his class that's not Korean. Of course, he stands out. But, Oakley, Chloe and Gwynyth are the only caucasians in the middle school. We're all experiencing being a minority here. But the Koreans really are weird about black people. They're always stroking Diamond's face and yanking on Florence's dredlocks. It's like they're utterly baffled by their skin color

I got called in to sub 5th grade and for their science homework they had to produce a 3D excel bar graph to show weather patterns in Korea on their personal laptops. What? I can't even do that. And since when do 5th graders all bring thier own laptops to school?