Beware the Ides of March

(Okay, so the title would have been a little more applicable had I actually gotten this post up yesterday. . .so I guess it should be titled: Beware the Ides of March Before it Passes You Up and It's the Day After the Ides of March.)

The first of March brought two or three beautiful sunny days and I was in heaven. I really thought spring was upon us, but it was just a sick joke apparently. I haven't seen the sun since then. So it's felt a little gloomy around here and Brian and I are feeling especially restless. We still have no idea what is going to happen with Korea. Last we heard they wanted to change our duty station from Camp Humphreys to Camp Stanley. Brian was worried and tried to talk her out of it. Then we got more information about the city Uijeongbu in the northern part of South Korea, and we feel like it would actually be a great location for us. But now, Brian can't get ahold of his branch manager again and we are once again in the dark about what is going on. My anxiety rises everytime this happens--which in our life has been a lot. Everything has always worked out, so one would think that I would learn my lesson and not stress. But no, I still find reason to have a good anxiety attack here and there. Right now I am stressed about getting passports for all of the kids and doing all of their medical screenings by the end of April, but I can't start until I get orders. We have to have all the medical screenings done three months before Brian's report date to get command sponsorship in time for the family to be able to travel to Korea together--otherwise I will be flying to Korea by myself with seven kids. I guess I've done harder than that before, but still. . .

March 9 was Brian's birthday and Giselle and I took him lunch at his office. He took us around to all of his colleagues and introduced us. He told everyone, "This is my daughter Giselle, or we like to call her Jelly or Jelly Bean." As we left, Giselle determined, "Mom, I don't want to be called Giselle, Jelly or Jelly Bean anymore." Almost every little girl goes through this phase. My littlest sister insisted on being called "Amy" and I went through a phase where I was sure my name should have been Rebecca. So I asked her what name she would like instead, and even offered a few suggestions like Katherine or Avery or Jennifer. She thought for a second and then answered, "No, Mom, I wanted to be called 'ICE.'" Okay, I didn't see that one coming. I asked her why she decided on 'Ice?' "Because it's crumbly," she said matter of factly, "not sticky like Jelly." Hmmmm. . . I guess she's got a point. I mean out on those crazy 'hood streets in our middle class suburban area, a girl can be beat up for having a name like "Jelly." A girl has got to demand respect and what better way than to change your name to Ice? I'm just hoping she's not going to shave her head bald and get a tatoo next--they don't look kindly upon those kinds of preschoolers in some schools you know.

Brian and I had an interesting experience last Thursday that was a bit of a wake up call for me. We got a call from someone in our congregation who asked if Brian would go with one of the bishopric to give a dying woman a blessing. I went with him just to be able to give him support and see if I could offer any help to the woman as well. I have always been very sensitive to things on the other side of the veil (no, I don't see dead people) but I have had some experiences where I knew they were there and could feel. . . well, anyway, it sounds weird and it's too hard to explain. However, when I went in this room I could tell that the veil was very thin and that she was very close to dying. I had the distinct feeling that her loved ones were nearby waiting for her to cross over. There was an intense feeling of peace and even excitement. I realized how we have so very little to fear about death. In fact, part of the problem was that this dying woman was extremely anxious to die. I think she could sense her grandparents and parents very close to her as well. So, when the men gave her a blessing they blessed her that she would be patient and hold on long enough for living relatives to say their goodbyes, she got very angry. That was the moment that sort of slapped me in the face and made me realize how silly we humans are. I thought about all of my "last" moments in my life that I was so anxious to get to "the other side" of them that I didn't fully appreciate and savor their beauty. Like the last time I got to hang out with friends in high school, or be single, or be pregnant for the last time--sure I hate pregnancy, but that was it, I don't get another chance. We always seem to be rushing from one thing on to the next, never fully understanding that this is it, it's all we get. I saw that woman so anxious to die that she didn't even want to savor her last few moments of life. So few of us get warning when it comes to death. What would say in our last hours? Who would we talk to? How would we tie all the lose ends together? I guess we won't know until it comes. I've always hated the phrase that says "live each day like it's your last." I mean, give me a break, who could do that and actually get anything done? But, I do wonder if we take the time to savor the milestones and find occasional moments to just be alive and feel human, because, really, this is all we get.

Speaking of living life, Brian and I are going away for a week to Puerto Rico and we are counting the down the days to sheer awesomeness! It has been 18 months since we've spent a night alone together and 8 years since we had a full lovers getaway. We last went to Belize and Guatemala and it was amazing. We hiked the ruins of Tikal, went snorkeling and sailboating, and hiked through the rain forest. This time we are going to scuba dive, go rappelling and on zip lines in El Yunque rainforest, go sea kayaking and then possibly go hang gliding. I know some people like cruises, but that is so not us. We are way too high adventure type and we think gluttonous eating is sooo overrated! The more I travel, the more I think it's a bug that gets in your system and you always have the need to see far off lands and experience new amazing things. We can't wait to take the kids to China and Japan while we live in Korea!

Tomorrow I finish my second grad school class! Woohoo! I got a $6000 scholarship from DoD (Department of Defense) for being married to a soldier. Then they started running out of money and took it away from me. Then after enough complaints they gave it back to the people who had already had it promised to them (myself being one of those people) yesterday and I decided to spend that money on my classes before they take it away again. So, I start my third grad school class on Monday. My fourth in June, fifth in July, etc. I have this sick feeling that we as Americans are going to need to get used to bankrupt federal programs if this healthcare bill gets pushed through congress!