It's a Bird, It's a Plane, No. . . It's Wonder Woman!

I've said it many times, and I will say it again: This has been the hardest year of my life thus far (knock on wood). And that statement right there implicitly connotes the fact that I have changed. Change under such circumstances is inevitable. Some call it the refiner's fire, but I am not sure that all the changes were initially for the better. Many things have happened over this past year that have worked against me. I went through a severe depression where I grasped at things that were detrimental to me, but seemed to soothe the pain at the time. I believe this is a basic principle of human nature. We want the easy way out. We want to stop our hurting immediately. It is in these moments where we selfishly administer "emotional anesthesia" to ourselves, that our weakness become readily evident.

Yet, through this emotional journey I have gained more charity and compassion for others than I have ever had and found my strength in helping others. The last several weeks I have tried to find at least two ways I could serve others each day. I think it has given me more strength than I have had for a long time and reminded me that I really am a strong, capable woman who can rely on myself.

As my spirtitual and emotional strength have increased in the last month, I have felt the need to be my own person away from the comforts of home. I am independent and adventurous and thrive in the unknown. I decided on July 27th that the best thing for me and my family was to move us to Tennessee and be there when Brian comes home for R&R on Sept. 9th. By the next day I had the moving truck reserved, boxes secured, and a written plan to follow to accomplish this.

There are many reasons that this is the right move for us: kids start in school, I can go to college, we will get to be with Brian when he comes home in December right away vs. waiting two extra weeks for him to come to Utah, and I believe that I will be able to be my strong, independent self again. In fact, in the week and a half following this decision, I have felt like my superwoman alter ego has returned. I have packed well over half of the house by myself. I have carried all of the heavy boxes up to the garage by myself--I even have an array of bruises to prove it. I have taken apart the furniture by myself (well, Oakley enjoys that task too, so he's helped). I am flying out by myself to Tennessee next week to find us a house and get the kids in school. I forgot how strong and determined I am. I lost it in a year of self-pity. But, finally, wonder woman is back :)!