Stress

I seem to run into stressful situations a lot in my life. I have a relatively high threshold of stress--but (this may come as a shock to some people) I do have my crashing point. I think I am really close. I am recording this, not just for complaining sake (although, there's nothing like free therapy), but because someday I will look back and think, "Okay, I made it through that, I can make it through a year and a half without my husband."

Right now I am packing up the house again. I have the packing itself down to an artform, that's not the stressful part. The stressful part is that we are only getting paid to move our stuff to Kentucky, but we are moving it to Utah. Therefore, due to the way the military pays for moves, we have to max out our weight at 14,500 lbs, but still get it all in a 28 ft trailer. There will not even be spare milimeters of space left in that truck! Luckily, Brian is Tetris Man and is good with that sort of thing when loading. I am packing every drawer, box, and jewelry box full--not extra space. I am trying to finish packing this week, take apart all the furniture and wrap it with shrink wrap this coming week, and the next week we load the truck.

Because Brian is going away for a year, I am also trying to finish all of the adoption and medical stuff that is needed as well. We had to go get passports for Diamond and Florence, and then social security cards. I had to drive an hour to the Social Security office only to find that my driver's license was expired. The next day, I had to make the trek again with my passport this time--in case I don't have enough to do. We have to update all of the information in the military system. I had to take all of the kids to get their immunizations up to date.

All of this would be tolerable if we weren't also dealing with unrelenting medical issues. First, all of us except Diamond and Florence came down with Influenza A that lasted two long weeks. We were so sick we couldn't get out of bed--or even roll over in bed. The children had high fevers for six days straight and laid on the couch with chills and horrible coughing. Chloe's turned into a severe case of pneumonia. When I took her into the ER in the middle of the night awhile ago, they whisked her away to Radiology and then immediately put her on a nebulizer and then intravenous antibiotics. She's doing much better now. Oakley and Diamond had the stomach flu two days ago. Florence, Diamond, and Giselle have ear infections. Half of the family now has giardia thanks to Diamond and Florence who have poor sanitation skills and all the kids share a bathroom--so the house wreaks like you can't believe.

Then on top of all of that, I am pretty sure I fractured my foot. Yes, it was my own stupid fault so I can't complain, but it is slowing me down. I went to take this really cool old shelf thing out of someone's trash and the thing weighed about 250 lbs. I tried to lift it by myself into the van, and that turned into a comedy routine. Some guy saw my pitiful attempts to make off with someone's garbage and offered to assist me. As he helped me, my sweaty hands slipped and the weight of the thing came down on my foot. I tried not to let him know, but it hurt like hell! So within an hour my foot was swelled up double and black and blue. Now it's a week and a half later and it is still swollen and burns when I walk. Seriously bad timing to break a bone. But, the important thing is that I got the shelf home and after I repaint it (when I get to Utah and have time) it will be worth the broken bone!

Anyway, combine all of the above circumstances with the fact that I am having to face a reality I knew was coming but was always hoping I would avoid--my husband is leaving for a really, really long time. I am going to be a single parent of seven children. I am so scared. I knew it was inevitable, but it is still terrifying. I have to find a house to live in, move us in, get the kids in school all without Brian. I know my family will be there, and for that I am so thankful, but I have never done all this without him. The longest we've ever been apart is two months. He is my best friend in the whole world and the thought of not seeing him for a year feels heavy right now. I keep having panic attacks that he is not going to come home, and I will be left to raise all seven children by myself--which goes to show that I have met my threshold of stress and it is causing delirium. I know he'll be fine, but it is a little scary to send your husband off to war sometimes and the stress of it all is making me worry about silly things.

But, it is times like this I am so thankful for the blessings of the temple and that we are a family forever--for time and all eternity. Before Brian goes away we get to get sealed to Diamond and Florence in the Mt. Timpanogas temple on Sept. 5th. All of the children get to be with us in the sealing room. I think it will be one of the greatest moments of my life. All of my family and Brian's family will be there with us because we are all one eternal family. In October, before Brian heads out to Afghanistan, he will also get to give Oakley the priesthood which is given to boys when they turn 12. Oakley is an incredible kid and I am thankful Brian won't miss that! So, I guess there are some things to be thankful for in this stressful mess. No matter how stressful life gets, and no matter what happens, my family is forever!