Counting the Miracles

It's always been my goal to get my graduate degree, but being married to a soldier, moving every 16 months, and raising seven children made it all but a pipe dream for years. Right before Brian left for deployment, I finally started researching schools and degree programs that I might be able to pursue when he returned from war. I couldn't decide between becoming an English professor or becoming a Marriage and Family Therapist. I spent a lot of time talking to people and praying about it. I finally decided on English because I love to write, I love to teach at a collegiate level and it was a shorter program. I signed up for creative writing class to complete while Brian was in Afghanistan to prepare for this path in life.

While Brian was gone, a few things happened to change my direction. First of all, I discovered I wasn't that fantastic of a writer afterall. Second of all, my life fell apart and I had to go see an Marriage and Family Therapist. I really felt this strong feeling that that was something I could offer to others--especially because of the experiences I had had that made me far less judgmental and far more empathetic to others' trials than I had ever been. But there was still the dilemma of finding a school that would accomdodate a military lifestyle of mother of seven. One day, my brother and I were talking on the phone and he mentioned that he was starting an online MFT program in the spring and it was catered to military personnel. I asked him for the information. I began researching it and, like a glove, the entire thing seemed to fit my life, my personality and my goals for the future. By the time Brian returned from Afghanistan, I had applied, interviewed, been accepted and enrolled for my first class.

I knew that moving to Korea was going to be very challenging to get my 9-credit internship to work out. But, at that point my choice was to stay in Tennessee and send Brian off to war again for 2011, or move to Korea to keep my family together and pray for a miracle for my internship.. When I first arrived, I began talking to the local psychologist trying to find a way to set up the internship. He was less than helpful. He did not want to be bothered by me and pretty much shut me down. I was so discouraged. Being in a foreign country, there's not a lot of English speaking options--and talk therapy is pretty hard to do when the therapist and the clients don't speak the same language.

I tried several times to work something out with the mental health clinic and everytime it was a dead end. Finally, Brian and I had to decide if we were going to stay in Korea one year or two years and some of that depended on my internship. If we were only going to stay one year then we would have to move to El Paso after Korea. That sounds like as much fun as getting our teeth kicked in--so I told Brian I would give it one more shot to see if I could get my internship to workout again. This time I went to the Army Community Service office and ran into a woman whose goal in life was to become a supervisor for social workers/MFTs doing their training. She made a bunch of phone calls and set me up with the PsyD who was the drug and alcohol counselor for the area. Before I knew it, my internship was set up to begin a month later. I guess it was never about whether or not the Lord would hear my prayers, but when and where they would be answered.

Once the internship was set up, one trial after another came at me that a steady barrage of destructive bombs. At one point, I was told that I could no longer see drug and alcohol clients with my supervisor so I would have to find my own clients. I did not know what to do. One day at church, I mentioned my dilemma to the Relief Society President. She suggested that I send an email out to everyone in the ward and see if anyone would be willing to work with me. Before I knew it, I was seeing half of the ward. These people came to me under the guise that they were helping me with my internship, but as it turned out, they really were in need and they never would have had the courage to ask for help if I had not had to send out that email. What was a miracle for me, turned into a miracle for many others--which I see is how God regularly works these things out.

Everytime something happened and I was told that I could no longer use an office in a certain building, then someone else would step forward and say, "Hey, I have an office here, you can use it to see your clients." Anytime that I was worried that I wouldn't have enough clients to complete the requisite hours, I would say a prayer and within a day or two, a new client would be referred to me--until my schedule was crammed with clients.

When my first supervisor had to move away, my second supervisor was granted permission to sign not only the hours I saw in drug and alcohol, but families and children as well. When my second supervisor told me that she was going to move away before all my hours were finished, I didn't know what I was going to do. I prayed for another miracle. One day at the post convenience store, I ran into a friend who worked in the health clinic. I mentioned my dilemma and he said, "You know I'm a Licensed Professional Counselor and I'd be more than happy to be your supervisor."

Everytime I thought that things were doomed to fail, the Lord provided a miracle and I was able to keep moving forward. Not only that, what should have taken me 15 months to complete only took 7.5 months. Last night I finished my 500th hour of client contact hours. I will still be seeing clients until I finish all of their patient care--which is fine with me since I LOVE my work.

Perhaps, the greatest miracle of all in this has been the way that I have changed. Undoubtedly, my faith has increased. I no longer fear the future or how things will work out because I know that the Lord provides a way for the right thing to work out, even when it seems hopeless--He hears and answers prayers.

I have also become far more confident in myself. I see how Heavenly Father gives us the talents and gifts we need in life to help others. It's taken a lot of years to see all the gifts God has given me and how they all work together, but now I am finally seeing much more of my purpose and potential in life.

Ironically, with confidence (or in therapy we call it differentiation) comes the ability to forgive people of their shortcomings, not judge others, not feel threatened by others' differences and to see others' strengths and potential much more readily. I think that the thing that I love the most about being a therapist is being a catalyst for change. I will have moments where I am sitting across from someone and they are trusting me with their vulnerabilities, their fears, their traumas, their weaknesses and I feel such huge compassion for them. As cheesy as it sounds, it is almost like a beam of light comes out of the ceiling and I feel how much Heavenly Father loves them and wants them to be happy. Then it is my goal to help them make the changes in their lives that they need to find that happiness in themeselves and in their relationships. Sometimes they are ready to make those changes, sometimes they are not--but if nothing else, it is my goal to help people be able to see their own strengths and empower them as much as possible.

Can I just say one more time, I love my job!?! I love that God knew me and knew where I would find my greatest joy. It never ceases to amaze me the miracles that are so abundant in our lives when we open our eyes to see them.