Sunshine When We Need It Most

I've posted several times about the difficulties of trying to set up my internship in Marriage and Family Therapy through the Army, so I thought I would update what has transpired with my efforts. It has been an epic battle, to say the least. But, I am persistent, annoyingly persistent--like jock itch or something (okay, that's not a nice analogy, but, really, I can be that abrasive, let's face it)! I finally had a window of opportunity open up to me about six weeks ago and I took it. But, it wasn't as simple as I had hoped. As I've come to find out there is NO Staples Easy Button in life!

Just when I thought it would all work out, the Chaplain (who I was going to do family/couples therapy with) told me that he only had one couple that would let me come. That meant I was short four hours each week. I didn't know what I was going to do. Then when I came back from vacation, my situation with Alcohol and Substance Abuse was put on hold because of my supervisor's credentialing, which put me short three individual therapy hours each week. If it wasn't one thing it was another. Just when I plugged one hole in the ship, another leak sprung up. I was so stressed I stopped eating (my typical reaction to stress) and my pants wouldn't fit anymore. I had already spent $2000 on tuition for my class and I was already in the middle of the coursework so I couldn't merely withdraw.

When I got home from vacation, I was faced with the internship dilemma I just described, was in the middle of a statistics and research methodology course, was in charge of the PTO's first annual International Night and International Performance. I was also roped into organizing dinner groups for the congregation, put in charge of sharing time for Primary and tasked with organizing and running the Primary's Easter Breakfast and Easter Egg Hunt. This was insanity even by my standards (which is saying a lot).

I took it to the Lord. I am more than willing to serve. I am willing to help others. I am willing to work hard and sacrifice. I am willing to carry a lot on my shoulders. But, what I can't do is stress about things that are completely outside of my control. It's fruitless and it makes me crazy.

After having a pretty thorough and candid conversation with God, I decided to have a little faith and a little patience and take it one day at a time. It was at this point, I was blessed with a very poignant lesson from on high. The night before our Easter Primary activity, I found out that we would not be able to use the chapel annex on Camp Walker for more than 30 minutes. It was also dumping rain, like in torrents, with a 90% chance of rain the next day. The primary president called me and asked if we should cancel it last minute. Unfortunately, it is very hard to disseminate information around our congregation that quickly. I also had prepared a special object lesson for the children that I thought was important. I felt very strongly that we needed to make it work. I told her I would come prepared with a plethora of umbrellas to make our own covering and I would bring plastic bags to throw over the kids. Besides, I noted, rain and mud and an Easter egg frenzy would make for a memorable event. I was trying to stay positive and be willing to make it work despite the less than ideal weather.

The next morning, when I awoke, it was a beautiful, sunny morning. We arrived at the annex, had our breakfast, made homeade Easter baskets out of felt, and headed to the park to look for eggs. The kids raced through the playground finding their allotted five eggs--only to discover that they were all empty. When the grumbling started, I brought them all around me and in the sunshine, we sat on the grass and talked. "What's the matter with your eggs?" I asked--knowing full-well that they were completely empty. "How do you feel?" to which they grumbled and uttered their disappointment. I quickly made the analogy, lest they accost me in angry disgruntlement. "How do you think Mary felt when she found the tomb empty?" I gave the children a lesson that the greatest gift of Easter was that the tomb was empty and that Christ had laid down his life and taken it up again. . .because he loves us. The kids were very sweet. One said, "I'm not sad that there's no candy, because I see how much more important this is." Then Giselle yelled, "I'm mad. I just want candy!" (Leave it to one of my kids to say it how it is :)Well, fortunately for them I had candy bags in my backpack. And, the beautiful thing about this was that the sunshine lasted just long enough for me to teach those children the true meaning of Easter.

The special message for me in this experience was that when we are willing to work and serve in the rain, Heavenly Father will send us sunshine in the moments we need it most. Nothing in life is ideal--it's not supposed to be. But the Lord never forgets us and his tender mercies will come when we need them most--if we're willing to keep moving forward through our challenges. I decided to trust that the Lord knew my needs with my internship and he would provide in the moments I could no longer provide for myself. Amazingly, in the three weeks of my internship, miracles have happened. I have been getting plenty of family and individual hours to compensate for the setbacks I experienced early on.

Ironically, the client cases that I have taken have been several LDS families and I have been able to greatly bless their lives. If things had worked out ideally, like I had planned, I would not have been given the opportunity to work with these people who were in great need. It is always a testimony to me that God truly is at the helm when I see how one person's miracle always becomes a miracle for many.

I love my new work. I am not great at it yet and I am struggling with a lot of insecurities with my inexperience and my shortcomings. However, I am learning more every day and I have been completely reliant on the Lord. I feel a heavy weight as I work with those who are in pain to seek the direction of God and to pray for them and to pray for me. It is a humbling work and I feel it changing me in remarkable ways. It is going to be a long, challenging learning curve--but as long as I know that the Lord will send my sunshine when I need it most, I know that I can keep moving forward with peace that everything will be alright.

(And as a side note, as I decided to move forward in faith, nothing wavering--I got a curve ball thrown at me and the District President called me to be a counselor in the District (all of the South Korea, English Speaking LDS wards) Young Women's program in addition to serving as a counselor in our ward Primary. Obviously, God's a funny guy.)